


She could barely remember the last time...

by ArcaneArtist997



Category: Bones (TV)
Genre: Death, Emotions, Grief/Mourning, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-24 06:34:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30068157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArcaneArtist997/pseuds/ArcaneArtist997
Summary: The 3 weeks Brennan thought Booth had died protecting her, day by day. It never showed her go through the grief cycle and I decided that I would write out how I think it would go. Each day covers a different emotion or coping mechanism and there will be 21 days not including Day 0 which will be the first chapter.Welcome to my 22 chapter telling of Temperance Brennan's journey through grief.Please tell me if you guys like it. I am releasing multiple chapters in one day and will continue to release them as I write them, this shouldn't take more than a few days max.





	1. she could barely remember the last time she had felt that scared...

**Author's Note:**

> I absolutely love Bones, but I really wish they added more things like this to show how different characters coped, grieved, and lived. I am really happy to be able to write these for the people who don't feel as though they can, or the people who prefer to simply read.   
> Enjoy:)
> 
> I also would like to note, these are not always common in grief cases, I am pulling from my knowledge of Tempe herself and my own personal experience with grief, depression, and recovery. But if you have any questions or suggestions, don't be afraid to comment them and I will get back to you as soon as I can.

Day 0 :

She could barely remember a time when she was as scared as she was right then. So scared that she barely registered the fact that she killed a woman. Not in cold blood, but she still took a life. Though she was too busy trying to stop Booth from bleeding out. She didn’t normally panic, it was one of her more desirable qualities. She could keep calm under nearly any circumstance. Even then, her mind wouldn’t stop racing, wouldn’t stop making noise. It was making her shake, and she wished more than anything that she could turn it off. Just to keep from hyperventilating she had to focus intently on the inner workings of the human body, going through her vast knowledge of all of the major arteries, veins, and anything else she could think of that would be affected by the bullet. It worked for a short time, long enough for the ambulance to arrive and take him away. Luckily for the EMT’s Angela was there to hold Brennan as they took over. And she held her long after, even though the anthropologist didn’t seem fazed by it. Angela knew she was holding it all in and knew, much to Brennan's relief, that she still needed to be with her.


	2. she could barely remember the last time she had felt that numb...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brennan deals with the numbness after the call she received about Booth's death.

Day 1 :  
She could barely remember a time when she had felt that numb. So numb that she couldn’t tell why she was crying, if it was because of him, or because her cheese grater broke the week before, or because she stubbed her toe on the door frame. Logically she knew what was happening, emotional overstimulation. She was feeling too much too fast and it was ruining her normally extra sharp brain. Sitting on the small couch in her apartment, she debated whether she would get up again. It had been 12 hours since she arrived home, 2 since the call which brought her to the couch. It hadn’t felt like 2 hours, more like 2 minutes at best. But it was just another symptom of her grief. “Is this Ms. Temperance Brennan?” 

“Doctor Temperance Brennan actually, but yes. What’s wrong? Is he okay? Has the surgery gone well?”

“Doctor Brennan, my name is Doctor Danrim…”

She inhaled and looked up towards her kitchen. Twenty steps, that’s not too many, she can do twenty. She hadn’t eaten in nearly twenty hours, if she didn’t soon it would begin to affect her. Picking herself up was hard, her body felt like a million bricks tied together, but she did it. Twenty three steps was what it actually turned out to be, and four movements of her arm to grab a small box dinner from her fridge and put it in the microwave. Another three movements to get it back out and grab a fork, and twenty four steps to get back to the couch. Now all she had to do was eat, which she realized would be a hassle since she felt ill suddenly. One bite, she could do one bite. Well, maybe one more, and possibly a third bite. Just let the hunger do all of the work. That’s not too hard. When she finished the small meal, she felt like she was on the verge of vomiting, but she held it down.


	3. she could barely remember the last time she had felt that tired...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brennan deals with the tiredness that accompanies depression while maintaining a persona that is doing okay to ensure no one feels the need to be near her.

Day 2 :

She could barely remember a time when she felt that tired. So tired she could barely lift her eyelids open to grasp her surroundings. It was less of a struggle once she sat up and took a few moments to center herself, but the heavy drag on her mind was relentless and unforgiving. It lashed at her to the point where she debated simply going back to sleep. Though right before she was about to give in, a small knock on her door had made her jolt up. She knew her mind would try to betray her, that it would try to reach for any kind of help, knowing full well she was in need of it. But she couldn’t handle that right then, another person leaving her like Booth did would kill her. When she got to the door, using her newfound energy thanks to her need to seem okay, she heard another knock accompanied by a voice. “Sweety, if you don’t open the door I’ll break in there.” Brennan smiled slightly and huffed a small laugh before unlocking the door.   
“This door won’t be broken by you anytime soon, it’s solid oak. And you have a key anyway.” 

“True, but I just needed you to open the door, and I knew you would if you thought I was going to break my leg.” Brennan stepped aside to allow Angela in, who immediately made for the kitchen setting down three large bags which Brennan hadn’t noticed before.   
“Ange?”

“It’s food, you know for grief. I read that food can be comforting and I just thought, maybe you need some extra comforting. Don’t worry it’s all healthy and vegetarian, but there is one tub of ice cream which isn’t healthy but it doesn’t matter.” 

“Angela why are you here? Why are you doing all of this?”   
Brennan studied her friend's face, it held a frown, and tears began to well in her eyes.

“This, Bren, is how I cope, like how you work when you’re upset...I like to take care of other people.” 

“Oh.” It took little brain power to understand what Angela had said, it made sense to her, and if it was important to Angela it was important to her. The rest of the evening was spent in relative silence as Angela cooked them both a lunch, while Brennan focused on tracing her friends' features and movements. It calmed her to do so, to study Angela’s face and movements, map out all of her defining features. And Angela was fine with that, often she had found it flattering but she knew it was simply another way for Brennan to stay calm. After the meal, Angela made her leave but not without a long hug and a kiss to Brennan’s forehead. Which left her standing in her apartment again with the tired feeling washing over her again.


	4. she could barely remember the last time she had cried that much...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brennan faces being overwhelmed and cries over Booths' death.

Day 3 :

She could barely remember the last time she had cried that much. So much that it made her head hurt, and soaked through her sleeves. She couldn’t stop crying, only sit there and accept the torrents of tears cascading down her face. Her logical mind was confused, as it always was when it came to emotions. She didn’t understand why losing her partner was so debilitating, why it was affecting her so badly, but it was. They had only been partners again for three years, and while yes- they did spend a lot of time together, it wasn’t like they were in love, or together, or married. She cringed at the thought of marriage, a word so foreign in her brain she could barely see the word form in her mind. Her mind wouldn’t stay still. It kept leaping from thought to thought, and it was tearing her apart. Because the more thoughts popped into her head, the more they became about Booth. Constantly reminding herself of some of the most carefree moments of her life with him was destroying her. And she just cried harder. For hours, she simply sat and cried. Until the taste of salty tears running over her lips was a distant memory and the puffiness of her eyes began to go down, leaving only red cheeks, raw eyes, and dry tear tracks as a reminder of her day. She had never cried so much that she just ran out of tears. Not literally, but her eyes had simply stopped producing them at the moment. Her throat was raw, to the point where she had to bring herself to make warm tea in order to sooth it, and while doing so also got some medicine for her headache. She had done nothing the entire day. Only ate once, a small snack while she was making the tea, and even then she was once again way too tired to stay awake. So she curled up on her couch, the (surprisingly) only comfortable place for her to be at the moment, and fell asleep even before the sun went down.


End file.
